Why a New Beginning ?

August 10, 2008

251133988_e0b81740601 Why a new beginning well I decided that I would like to start a blog about life, my life and other things as well, so all in all a bit of a mixture, this is my account of my life from now on, the good times and the not so good.

The thing is now I am at a crossroads in my life and things do seem a little bit all over the place so what I thought I would do, is start this blog so I can put my most inner deepest thoughts, for the whole world to see. A short of online sharing therapy for all to see.

But also I will add to this other things like positive quotations motivating stories, and a whole plethora of other things. Which are related to life as a whole what kind of things worked for me in order to keep motivated to do the things I want to do and what problems I come up against.

In my life right now there are quite a few things I would say that are missing in my life, I have been on my own now for quite some time now and not been in a relationship for a very long time and I think that is something that I need in my life in order to feel a complete human being.

Sometimes I feel alright when I am on my own but there are other times when, that is not the case and I do feel that there is a big gap missing in my life, and it makes me feel very incomplete, at times especially when I am on my own, in a way it feels like something is missing from within my life.

Although it doesn’t seem to rear its head until I am on my own or not doing anything this is when the problem of loneliness starts to rear its ugly head, I do try not to think about it too much but sometimes you can’t help it, it seems to loom over you, and I do think it’s something I need to work towards,

It may be the case at the moment that I am not ready for a serious relationship, but somehow I think that is one thing that is missing on a very deep level as far as I’m concerned. Do we really need to be in a relationship in order to be happy ? or is it something that we feel we must be in one because other people are and it makes us feel as though we should be, societies peer pressure as it were.

Even though when you are in a relationship you can still feel quite lonely, but somehow you always know deep down that when you see that person whom you share your life with things over overall do feel a lot better.

I have always noticed that when I am not a relationship, I do tend to do far less as far as the social aspect of life is concerned and more or less revert back to the behavior of when I wasn’t in a relationship before. In a way now I feel as though I have got to take steps again in order to know how to meet people and socialise again.

I suppose in a way you could say that is more or less like trying to learn to walk again, the problem I have is I am not very confident when it comes to talking to members of the opposite sex, because I am always wondering what they think about me and whether or not they like me or not.

This makes it extremely difficult for me to go out and socialise, and meet other people without feeling too uncomfortable I know it is a matter of practice, but it is something I have always struggled with all my life it would seem.

I can also remember once when I was in a nightclub and somebody came up to me and said “do you come here often” this sort of thing didn’t used to happen to me very often so I was a bit taken a back

I looked at the said female and just became paralysed, and walked away and didn’t do anything else.

And now sometimes I do often wonder to myself why I behaved that way and didn’t engage in conversation isn’t it strange sometimes how we look back on our lives and think about the things we should have done because really they were opportunities, but at the time we didn’t see them as opportunities more as a scary experience.

But now when I think about that experience I still can’t understand to this day why I behaved the way I did. Needless to say we as people do strange things at times without even thinking about the consequences for all I know something could have come out of that but now I will never now and unfortunately is something I can’t change.